i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
