when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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