I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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