shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
