she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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