I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
