i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
