stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
