A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
