I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
