I'm so fucking centered right now
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
