We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
