we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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