he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
