when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
