I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
