...so i touched it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize