She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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