Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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