Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
