oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize