she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize