the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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