when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
