So drunk its hurt
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am one with the molecules
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize