why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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