you traded sex for a burrito?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
