Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
