All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize