so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
