Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
