The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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