She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
