Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This baby is an asshole
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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