They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
