It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
