i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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