you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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