my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
