Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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