I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
