Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
