4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Did you just see the Batmobile???
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
