Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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