I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
