Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
