I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize