She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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