it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize