ya dads aren't the best wingmen
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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