what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
