I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
