Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
