My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize