I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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