Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Never underestimate the power of titties
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
