Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
