Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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