We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
