im holly from the hills drunk
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
