Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Rumble strips road head = magical
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
