I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
