why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
