apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
