We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We had sex on a dog bed..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
