anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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