Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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